second the best

is it week 35/52? i dont even know.

zoe at 2 months flashing a smile. 

love her.

jake and i have kept zoe alive for the second month now...we are very proud of ourselves.  month 2 has been friggin amazing.

after my last post, a month ago, i told myself that i would write at least once a week to chronicle all of the amazing things zoe does week to week.  well, obvi, that didn't happen.  oh well. YAY two months!!!

ten things:

1.  zoe started smiling on purpose and jake and i die a little inside every time she does it.  i can't imagine how much we're going to flip out when she starts laughing out loud.  

2.  she coos.  like the best, cutest, little coos anyone has every heard in their entire life.  

3.  i have completed friday night lights for the 5th time and am watching parenthood again.  its still good, really good.  nursing=netflix binge watching sessions

4.   zoe has the gnarliest explosive poop diapers when jake goes to work. 

5.  zoe's poo got in my hair and i didn't shower for 36 hours after that.  my bun felt extra tacky in the shower. 

6.  we're sleeping!! i mean, not a lot, but sleep is sleep. and i am very thankful.

7.  i get why people with infants do playdates.  its takes a lot of effort to get out the door, but talking to other adults during the day is pretty awesome. 

8.  sooooo is anyone available for a playdate? like everyday?

9.  i fit into ONE pair of my stretchiest jeans.  big win, but i get scared that the button will pop or the ass will rip when i wear them in public.  its still worth it to get out of my leggings and running shorts. 

10.  already looking forward to zoe's 100 day celebration.  excited for more smiles and more sleep. 

can i just take a moment to talk about the show, parenthood???  i mentioned the show in a previous post and i said that the show deserved its own post, but i figured it could share the spotlight with this one.

like fnl, i caught onto parenthood after the show was over, but like fnl, i became completely obsessed with it.  jake and i both referred to the show regularly in our everyday conversation and we both agree that he IS zeke braverman, except that he is not a 70+ year old grandpa.  i love how the show depicts family in a real, but non cynical way, which makes it easy to watch, but not cheesy.  

during the entire series, there are a lot of references to how amazing and terrible it is to have daughters.  they're thoughtful, dramatic, have boyfriends...lots of boyfriends, and after what seems like a lifetime of crazy episodes, they become the most loving, strong, responsible women.  

hey zoe, we want you to be all those things.  the bad and good.  ok, honestly, not TOO bad, but yah. 

i can't wait to go through life with this kid. 

ok, for real.  playdate anyone???

tolerating the swing now! YASSS!!!

mornings w mama and papa

sleepover at our house w baby ellery

:)

hanging out w cousin xander

STOKED that graham came to visit

me n zoe

<3

zoe ann zeitlin

zoe, minutes old.

she looks so different now!

lost count of the 52 weeks photos, will update that later.

HELLO!  HI!  i'm still here!!!  anyone out there?

zoe is already (almost) one month old.  i had plans, great plans, to write an epic blogpost right after giving birth, but yeaaaaaaa...its taken a month to feel like i can do anything aside from baby stuff.   

10 thoughts that happen daily, not necessarily in the following order:

1.  what time did i feed her?

2.  did she poo today?

3.  YAS! she's asleep!!!

4.  why is she sleeping so long?

5.  is she breathing? is she dead? i'm gonna go check.

6.  (after putting my finger under her nose, zoe starts stirring) SHIT, she's waking up.

7.  its time to feed her again.

8.  i love her so much.  

9.  she's so cute, she's perfect, i love her so, so much.

10. was that a fart or did she poo?

zoe's birth story

i was really proud of myself and kind of amazed at how my body was able to finish off the school year on June 5th.  i was SURE that once my brain knew school was done, zoe would come out the next day.  so i waited for her that night and the following day.  

days passed.  i was getting anxious.  and bigger.  still bigger. 

zoe's actual due date was the 11th, but ever since our 3 month check up, we were told that she measured bigger so we were really expecting her around the 7th.  the 7th came and went and i started bouncing on my exercise ball like it was my job.  

on the morning of the 11th, my water broke, but i didn't know.  i expected a gush of water or at least a continuous dribble of water, but that didn't happen.  ill spare a few details because its kind of gross... 

in any case, my water broke.  and the water was GREEN.  wtf??? of course i looked it up online and all the sites i went to said that the baby took a dump in my womb and i have to get her out as soon as possible.  um ok.  

jake and i get to kaiser and just as i was admitted into triage, i felt the gush and the water was now a sewer green color.  yum.  the dr. says that baby is almost ready to come out, but i'm still only 1-1.5 cm dilated.  i let them know that i wanted a drug-free birth and everyone kept saying "anything you want!"  i felt good about it all.

when i got to labor and delivery, the contractions started happening.  when i first got pregnant i was fascinated by morning sickness and i kinda welcomed it because it was an indication that my pregnancy was progressing.  i felt the same way about my contractions.  after about 3 hours of mild/med contractions, the dr checked me and she said, "soooo you're still at 1.5 cm."  WHAT.  she asked if i wanted to get the epi.  i said no.  the contractions started to really kick in and i started to focus on my breathing, i wasn't as intrigued by the contractions any more.  a few more hours passed and she checked me again.  by this time, the contractions were pretty painful.  SURELY i was at least 5 cm.  no, 3 cm.  dr asked about the epi.  i said no.  then the contractions started coming really quickly, some only 30 seconds apart.  by the time the dr. came back to check me,  the pain was blinding.  i couldn't speak and my gown was drenched in sweat.  they kept asking me what my pain level was 1-10.  it was definitely a 10, maybe 11, but i didn't want to admit that i had reached my max pain level.  at that point, the dr said that i was 5cm.  again, the epidural was offered.  this time, when she asked, i nodded yes.  

i kind of felt like i caved and though i was in the most intense pain, i still had some thoughts of disappointment.  the dr let me know that bc the baby's head had been ready to pop out since i was at 1 cm, her head/body weight had been pushing on all of my nerves and so my pain level was a lot higher than normal labor.  im not sure if she said that to make me feel like less of a failure or if it was really true, but that made me feel better.  the anesthesiologist came in within 10 minutes and administered the epidural.  i smiled at him and then it was all over.  the pain was gone and my toes were tingly within a couple minutes.  he ASSURED me that i felt labor and that i had done a really great job and that my baby was really proud of me.  i felt relief, both physically and emotionally.  

after 3-4 hours, i started pushing.  i pushed for an hour and then our lives changed forever.  

zoe was born on June 12 at 5:25 am.  she has really large hands and feet and the most amazing facial expressions.  her long arms and legs barely fit into a 3 month onesie.  she is the spitting image of her daddy and i love that so, so much.  

the days after she was born i was in the hospital for a few extra days bc of various reasons, but we finally brought her home 4 days after she was born.

the days/nights/weeks have been a blur.  the sleep deprivation is no joke.  but our krewcrew is complete and zoe has rocked our world in a way we couldn't even imagine.  

hormones fully kicked in after having zoe.  i cry while nursing her because i'm so grateful for her.  i'm crying again now watching "the best man: holiday."  to be honest, i've cried watching this before.  its SO good.  i have great taste in movies. 

we are so in love with our little zoe.  we can't wait for everyone to meet our little bug.

shit, she just woke up.  :)

she often looks surprised/confused

totally obsessed w the baby monitor. its like big brother. 

we use this blanket a lot. 

that raised eyebrow tho.  

this was right after we brought her home. 

i think she was unsure of the living conditions.

the most delicious toes. 

a tanning sesh bc of jaundice.  notice her feet.  

she's grown into them quite a bit since, but LOOK AT THOSE BABIES!

swoon. 

trying things. she didn't really appreciate the headband.

the "we didn't wash our face or brush our teeth, but lets try to step out even if its just to ihop" victory selfie.

oh hi, still pregnant.

17, 18, 19/52

not the most flattering photos, but hi, im 39 weeks pregnant. 

jake's old t-shirts are my new uniform.

darra, wondering when her new bff is coming out. 

to my baby girl, 

in case i forget to tell you every single day that i know you, i want you to know this.  your daddy and i have waited for you for what seemed like an eternity, but it wasn't.  it was 2.5 years of wanting, disappointment, growth, and finally a peace that was so overwhelming, i knew that you were coming soon.  in fact, as soon as i felt that peace, you were already inside my womb.  however, it is not that, in which i want you to know.  i want you to know that before me or your daddy ever knew you, God had already blessed us with each other so that one day, one day very soon, we will be able to love you more than we can ever imagine.  and we already love you so much, baby girl. we really do.  

im 39 weeks now.  every night, i think, "tonight's the night!"  i can't wait to meet babykrew, like i want to meet her so bad, i've started to dream about her and the whole laboring process.  but in thinking about our baby, i'm even more thankful for jake and what we've shared together for the past, almost, eleven years.  i think we're ready though.  bags are packed and spicy ramen is on the menu for tonight.   

is tonight the night?  

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

in the mean time, some photos of babykrew's new digs. 

crib from ikea, sheets from land of nod (i caved), indigo wall hanging from japan, 

photo of darra (duh), sleepy lamb from hannah eemo, 

and my old rainbow bright doll my mom kept for me.

shelf with all of the books from my baby shower.

can't wait to read the notes and books to babykrew.

lego! no!

:)

a bed, in case my mom wants (is forced) to sleep over. heh heh

home stretch [marks]

37 weeks

babykrew's new ride. uppababy cruz

little snippet of our new house.

face, belly, ass: all so, so round

still waiting for them.

but i'm sure they're on their way.

stretch marks.

i heard that they are genetic and i know my mom has a bunch from pregnancy and i have a few from adolescent growth spurts and not-so-adolescent chilly cheese fries, grilled cheese every night in college type stretch marks too (technically, those were "growth spurts" too, horizontal growth spurts).  but so far, i haven't gotten any new ones from pregnancy.  my tummy is feeling tighter than ever and i heard that a lot of women get stretch marks when they're full term, which I AM (what?!!!!!!!!!!!).  if i end up not getting them then, YAS! and if i do, its OK.  :)


jake and i are pretty much settled into our new place.  the reno is completely done, the boxes are almost gone, and (some) art is up.  feels like home.  surprised at how quickly that feeling came, but its probably because we unpacked faster and settled in so that we can be ready for babykrew.  even darra feels at home.  she threw up on the rug, just as she always did.  -.-
SO much hardwood all around, but somehow, she (almost) always pukes on the rug.  she's still the best.


i'm 37 weeks! i feel ready and nervous, but mostly really excited to meet our little girl.  putting the nursery together and actually having all sorts of baby contraptions around the house feels really...right.

moving rules.

15/52, 16/52

36 weeks

mother's day brunch

banana buckwheat pancakes w bacon and hot peanut butter syrup. YAS.

we moved! (this post was meant for last monday...but life. new post coming soon!)

i mean, we decided that having this baby is not enough change for us, so we picked up and moved...5 miles away.  

after 1.5 weeks of reno (new floors, paint, adding a bedroom, can't believe it got done!!), we moved into our new home and jake and i are equal parts exhausted and elated.  we had a chance to go back to our other house to clean and pack up the last of our things and i totally cried saying goodbye to our first home.  

5 years ago, i would have NEVER thought we would settle in long beach, but here we are and we really love it.  long beach is a huge city w lots of different neighborhoods and up and coming restaurant so what im trying to say is...all of our friends should move here.  haaaa

our new neighborhood is closer to the water and walking distance to everything: trader joes, coffee, tacos, bagels, gym, sushi, fancy market (lazy acres, never heard of it until we moved here, but its JUST like whole foods1), and anything else you can think of.  there are a lot more young families in the neighborhood and we met one the other night and i wanted to ask for their phone number, but jake and i agreed that it was too soon and too creepy to ask on our first encounter.  but on our second encounter... :) 

more photos of the new place coming soon!

our last night in our old house. 

our new place!

a super sweet mother's day card from my student

THIS IS NOT OUR BABY...just to be clear

jake practicing w my cousin's newborn. he's a natural!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you, my love!

showered

14/52

that penmanship tho!

this past weekend was my baby shower that was hosted by my girlfriends (girlfriends are everything).  they knew that i wasn't really into shower games (mainly bc im really competitive and i don't want to WIN all the games at my own shower heeeeee), but we played 2 and they were amazing.  the first one was combining jake's and my faces together to create a potential image of babykrew.  this was both entertaining and really creepy.  the second game we played was called, "sex or labor."  10 faces were held up and guests had to determine if the facial expression was one of labor or one of sex.  i loved that my mom had the best time with this one.  my (non-english speaking) grandma kept asking my mom what kind of game it was and my mom just cracked up and told her she'd explain later.  i hope she did not.  actually, i hope she did.

!!!

how did i get to be 33 weeks already.

a year ago, actually, more like 37 weeks ago, i was lying in bed, devastated, yet not surprised by another failed month of conceiving a baby.  as i was driving to my baby shower, i unearthed some of those memories, which seem so distant now, but really aren't at all.  i haven't had a lot of hormonal crying-for-no-reason type episodes during my pregnancy (except while watching Parenthood.  that series alone deserves its own post), but my when i arrived at the shower, i was really overwhelmed and wanted to break down and cry, but i held it in for several reasons, one of which was the fact that i had 3 coats of mascara on and didn't want to look like a freak in all of the photos.  i failed to keep it bottled in the whole time though, i cried a little at the end and then i cried a lot more when i got home and read through all of the cards and letters to babykrew.  i want to properly say thank you to those who came to the shower and those who have been so supportive and kind to me (us) throughout this whole journey, but i don't think i can accurately describe my feelings of gratitude in words, song, or even interpretive dance.

jake and i (and babykrew, too!) are beyond blessed and we love you all so, so much.  

book themed. cake by sweetleemade

my granny and mama

the kims

the zeitlin (and one katz) clan

my family

33 weeks!

the cutest baby hat anyone ever did see

having too much fun

truffle butter and [lots of] other things

11/52, 12/52, 13/52

30 weeks.  jake has this shirt. so we haaaaad to buy one for babykrew

i LOVE, the song, truffle butter.  am i alone in this???  i think not.  i also love janis joplin, tlc, edward sharpe, mariah carey, jenny lewis, jay z, arcade fire, most of 90's hip hop, and the list goes on.  during middle and high school i was so busy being too cool for boy bands, i totally missed out!!!  now that im not cool anymore, well, im still a little cool, but thats besides the point...heeee...i LOVE pop music. like ryan seacrest, hello! he is so funny and ridiculous.  i really like NPR too, but Ryan's Roses is the best.

jake and i were talking about what kind of taste in music our kid will have.  he said, "she can have good taste or your taste."  rude.

in the movie, this is 40, leslie mann's character and her 2 daughters start getting crazy singing pop songs and paul rudd's character is like -.-  haaaaa  i could TOTALLY see that going down at our house. can't wait.

but truffle butter. yeahhhh


++++++++++++++++++++++


its been a while since i've written a post.

LOTS of moving parts in our lives right now.  we sold our house and bought another!  we love this house and am actually really sad to part with it, but we've found a new place to create new memories with our new addition.


+++++++++++++++++++++++


during spring break, jake and i had a mini babymoon in palm springs.  it was SO nice to just lay by the pool. all. day. long.  i picked up a cheesy paperback from rite aid and was completely content just laying around and FLOATING in the pool.  the pool is the best thing ever for pregnant women!  jake and i fought kids for noodles so i could get some tummy time.  he is the best.

its crazy to think that after these next few weeks, we're going to be a family of three (well, four bc darra).  after being together for more than 10 years now, i almost can't imagine someone else being a part of us.  as much as we've ached, longed for, and already love this child, i'm glad we get a few more weeks of just the two of us.

gittin HUGE. still 30 weeks. 

31 weeks

making time. 

my baby shoes that my parents kept. 

can't wait to see these on babykrew

32 weeks. wow. 

this is me, right now. 

babykrew is, as Luda would put it, throwin bows. 

braxton hicks contractions are in full effect.