zoe ann zeitlin

zoe, minutes old.

she looks so different now!

lost count of the 52 weeks photos, will update that later.

HELLO!  HI!  i'm still here!!!  anyone out there?

zoe is already (almost) one month old.  i had plans, great plans, to write an epic blogpost right after giving birth, but yeaaaaaaa...its taken a month to feel like i can do anything aside from baby stuff.   

10 thoughts that happen daily, not necessarily in the following order:

1.  what time did i feed her?

2.  did she poo today?

3.  YAS! she's asleep!!!

4.  why is she sleeping so long?

5.  is she breathing? is she dead? i'm gonna go check.

6.  (after putting my finger under her nose, zoe starts stirring) SHIT, she's waking up.

7.  its time to feed her again.

8.  i love her so much.  

9.  she's so cute, she's perfect, i love her so, so much.

10. was that a fart or did she poo?

zoe's birth story

i was really proud of myself and kind of amazed at how my body was able to finish off the school year on June 5th.  i was SURE that once my brain knew school was done, zoe would come out the next day.  so i waited for her that night and the following day.  

days passed.  i was getting anxious.  and bigger.  still bigger. 

zoe's actual due date was the 11th, but ever since our 3 month check up, we were told that she measured bigger so we were really expecting her around the 7th.  the 7th came and went and i started bouncing on my exercise ball like it was my job.  

on the morning of the 11th, my water broke, but i didn't know.  i expected a gush of water or at least a continuous dribble of water, but that didn't happen.  ill spare a few details because its kind of gross... 

in any case, my water broke.  and the water was GREEN.  wtf??? of course i looked it up online and all the sites i went to said that the baby took a dump in my womb and i have to get her out as soon as possible.  um ok.  

jake and i get to kaiser and just as i was admitted into triage, i felt the gush and the water was now a sewer green color.  yum.  the dr. says that baby is almost ready to come out, but i'm still only 1-1.5 cm dilated.  i let them know that i wanted a drug-free birth and everyone kept saying "anything you want!"  i felt good about it all.

when i got to labor and delivery, the contractions started happening.  when i first got pregnant i was fascinated by morning sickness and i kinda welcomed it because it was an indication that my pregnancy was progressing.  i felt the same way about my contractions.  after about 3 hours of mild/med contractions, the dr checked me and she said, "soooo you're still at 1.5 cm."  WHAT.  she asked if i wanted to get the epi.  i said no.  the contractions started to really kick in and i started to focus on my breathing, i wasn't as intrigued by the contractions any more.  a few more hours passed and she checked me again.  by this time, the contractions were pretty painful.  SURELY i was at least 5 cm.  no, 3 cm.  dr asked about the epi.  i said no.  then the contractions started coming really quickly, some only 30 seconds apart.  by the time the dr. came back to check me,  the pain was blinding.  i couldn't speak and my gown was drenched in sweat.  they kept asking me what my pain level was 1-10.  it was definitely a 10, maybe 11, but i didn't want to admit that i had reached my max pain level.  at that point, the dr said that i was 5cm.  again, the epidural was offered.  this time, when she asked, i nodded yes.  

i kind of felt like i caved and though i was in the most intense pain, i still had some thoughts of disappointment.  the dr let me know that bc the baby's head had been ready to pop out since i was at 1 cm, her head/body weight had been pushing on all of my nerves and so my pain level was a lot higher than normal labor.  im not sure if she said that to make me feel like less of a failure or if it was really true, but that made me feel better.  the anesthesiologist came in within 10 minutes and administered the epidural.  i smiled at him and then it was all over.  the pain was gone and my toes were tingly within a couple minutes.  he ASSURED me that i felt labor and that i had done a really great job and that my baby was really proud of me.  i felt relief, both physically and emotionally.  

after 3-4 hours, i started pushing.  i pushed for an hour and then our lives changed forever.  

zoe was born on June 12 at 5:25 am.  she has really large hands and feet and the most amazing facial expressions.  her long arms and legs barely fit into a 3 month onesie.  she is the spitting image of her daddy and i love that so, so much.  

the days after she was born i was in the hospital for a few extra days bc of various reasons, but we finally brought her home 4 days after she was born.

the days/nights/weeks have been a blur.  the sleep deprivation is no joke.  but our krewcrew is complete and zoe has rocked our world in a way we couldn't even imagine.  

hormones fully kicked in after having zoe.  i cry while nursing her because i'm so grateful for her.  i'm crying again now watching "the best man: holiday."  to be honest, i've cried watching this before.  its SO good.  i have great taste in movies. 

we are so in love with our little zoe.  we can't wait for everyone to meet our little bug.

shit, she just woke up.  :)

she often looks surprised/confused

totally obsessed w the baby monitor. its like big brother. 

we use this blanket a lot. 

that raised eyebrow tho.  

this was right after we brought her home. 

i think she was unsure of the living conditions.

the most delicious toes. 

a tanning sesh bc of jaundice.  notice her feet.  

she's grown into them quite a bit since, but LOOK AT THOSE BABIES!

swoon. 

trying things. she didn't really appreciate the headband.

the "we didn't wash our face or brush our teeth, but lets try to step out even if its just to ihop" victory selfie.