krew crew: come on, ride the [sleep] train.

16 weeks

after rolling over 3 times, tired and over it.

OR its me constantly shoving my phone in front of

her face to take photos of her crying =D

first, this post is not one to encourage or discourage sleep training, its just about my experience with it.

ok, so, sleep training has been the most emotionally and mentally difficult thing i've experienced so far. actually, the worst was when i thought zoe wasn't getting enough to eat and was wasting away. but obvi that wasn't true, cue the extra large double chin.

i actually decided to sleep train after about 3 consecutive sleepless nights. i think she was going through some sort of growth spurt, who knows. i had thought about moving her out at 3 month and i sort of wanted to stick to that...even though i was already a couple weeks late, oh well. i actually don't know why i gave myself that type of timeline, but i did, and i wanted to at least attempt to keep it.

after consulting with friends, more like asking a million questions, discussing every possible scenario, and almost wanting them to tell me not to do it yet (which they didn't, it was the opposite), jake and i decided to start sleep training last friday.

night one-

jake and i do her normal nighttime routine, zip her up in her zipadeezip (LOVE THIS THING), and then take her to her room. already, im starting to feel A LOT of anxiety. i ask jake to pray for zoe, but really for me bc zoe didn't know what the hell was going on. we put her in her crib and then we walked out. she was quiet at first, probably from the confusion. and then it started. the crying, actually screaming. of course i did what everyone advised me not to do, i sat in front of the monitor watching my baby scream for her mama. after about 20 minutes, i was in fetal position crying and telling jake that it was too hard (hahaha i guess i was a little dramatic, but it was painful!!!). i said i was going to go get her at the hour mark and she ended up falling asleep at the 55 minute mark. she woke up after almost 6 hours (!!!!!!!), which is the longest stretch of sleep she's ever had. when i went in to feed her, her zippy was still damp and her sheets were as well. even though she probably had the best sleep of her life, i still felt sad. she woke up one more time that night.

the next morning, she looked more mature, like she had gone through something and came out alive. and i SWEAR, she was mad at me. she was all smiles at jake and wouldn't have eye contact with me!!! like the last thing she remembers from the night before was my boob leaving her mouth and then PURE ABANDONMENT.

i felt the same way on the second night and the third and the fourth (days too, bc i was training her naps too. the horror). i think by the fifth night, i felt less sad, but the cries still hurt. there was one night we actually did sort of cave. its because she started to roll over in her sleep and zoe wasn't used to being on her stomach, but hadn't figured out how to roll back the other way (she can do it now!!!). there were extra cries that night and jake and i both couldn't take it.

its been over a week since we started training her. i read and friends have said that it takes 3-5 days, some a week to get used to sleep training. i asked a friend if its normal for zoe to still be screaming bloody murder every time she goes down and the long and short of it is, yes, its normal. i guess i have to know that each baby has their version of normal and each mama has one too.

tonight, we put her down and she played in her crib for almost half an hour, let out a couple squeaks and then fell asleep. its working. i am so proud of her. she doesn't hate me for this. but if its not this easy tomorrow, its okay.

am i happy i sleep trained (still training)? yes, absolutely.

was it really as hard as people say? even harder.

have i cooked for the first time since i made instant ramen while i was pregnant bc zoe has an early sleep time? YES!!! #progress

a couple product reviews:

Baby Merlin's Magic Sleep Suit-

as i posted on IG, zoe fell asleep in this suit really quickly and looked freaking amazing, but she woke up and was drenched in sweat (even though our AC was on freezing status) so we had to take her out of it and put her in her Zipadeezip.

Zipadeezip-

i bought the zippy because i wanted to transition zoe out of her swaddle. she loved and hated being in the swaddle. it calmed her down and put her to sleep really well, but would bust out of it all the time. the days leading up to sleep training, she busted out of it every hour and woke up crying. zoe's reflexes are still really strong and she's just a really active baby. the zippy gives zoe space to move around, but enough restriction so she can't punch herself in the face. when we zip her up, she smiles! we all love this product. i bought 2 more heeeee